Find a replacement? No way, too much work!
I am a big believer in not burning your bridges, even if it is a bad ending keep it civil because somewhere down the line 'that' person is going to be the person you need. As C and I navigate our way through the city I introduce her as my bestest best and everyone takes her as family. After a few martinis it's always the same story...We've known her forever, since she was a baby, before she was evil, wait she's always been evil. I laugh and take the teasing, but the truth is I'd have it no other way. Knowing people what they're about, what they bring to the table, what they bring as an up-side.
The 'up-side' is always something I look for but never a one way street, as much as someone can do for me I can do for them. But with all these connections, all these bridges there are lots of layers.
Many different levels of relationship are a part of every life, but what happens when sex is a part of many of those relationships? While many of the parts of the relationships have ended, the sex part of them stays, not only stays but is still active. With an understanding. I joke and tell people that the girls I know never have dry-spells and to a degree its true, when there is always someone to fit your fancy, what is stopping you?
Nothing. As I begin my survey on the subject, I find out that I am the only one who thinks nothing. Excuses roll in from all over the place, I call them excuses because the reasoning behind them was more of self preservation, then self gratification. Not that it's incorrect to want to self preserve, it's natural a protective action, you may not even know you're doing. The list starts with, Sounds nice, but in real life things like that don't work and moves into...
Feelings developing.
Feelings getting hurt.
Everyone not being understanding.
Lack of equal honesty.
Not everyone is ready for such things.
The only valuable point I got was personality, it does take a certain personality, but what doesnt. It takes a certain personality to own a dog. If all the above possible reasons are your personal reasons than you should stay in the safety zone. We'll come visit when bored out of our damn minds, but with sex on tap when would that happen? The ready are born ready.
What is the upside in all these layers? When there is so much at risk. Perhaps it's in the risk nothing is ever for certain, being able to have that connection with more than one person, could be special, could be meaningful in the moment, could be supportive when needed. Pass up all these possibilities, in exchange for what monogamy, safety, comfort, general do right, and because it's easy. Suppose easy is a relative statement, what comes to some may never even be seen by others, not even a glance.
I agree with another softer point brought up, having someone to come home to. But in a day and life filled with moments, it's fair enough to say pick the moments that are going to make you happy at that moment. Coming home to someone is just a moment like the others, holding no more value than the others.
Sex on tap, brings serious thoughts, about meaningful people, memorable moments.
-n
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