A glint of pride as he talks of his wife. This man describes the last year of new joy from marriage.
A story I love. Happily Ever After. While I'm all too understanding in what life can throw at us. I still sit back and enjoy watching someone plan the day that will start the rest of their lives. For the duration of the marriage that is. Even in knowing something just won't last, I watch them enjoy the ride and detailed dance it takes to keep the show up.
Should there be a disclaimer 'Shelf life, not forever.'?
Overhear a sigh of content, as he tells his lunch date that he's changed so much...feels so whole. Can't wait to make things better, be better for her, their life and the children she wants to bring into the world. He catches my eye as that last bit is mentioned and lends me a smile of comradery, as if there is an understanding that I too want children ::mentally, throws self down stairs:: I continue to listen while I sip my latte, my lunch date is late and it works out because I would like to keep listening to see where this goes.
"So how is the sex. Ya, know...since you broke the seal and all." His friend ask with a little caution but the curiosity driving this line of question is not stopping him from getting an answer. I hold my latte to my lips as to not draw attention to myself, the man looks around as if he is about to open Pandora's Box. At least I hope that is what he is about to bring to the surface, his face is older than his age...you can tell he's been down many different paths, none of them leading him where he truly wants to be. But perhaps that is because he doesn't yet know where he wants to be or needs to be.
"I've tried everything." He finally says in almost a whisper. His friend doesn't quite know what it means, he starts with a smile "So she's into a little everything?" he prompts. My mind is working through the tone of the newlyweds comment about his wife, not a happy tone...more of a solace tone, what ever is about to come out is bad. Poof, goes 'Happily Ever After'.
The man looks at his friend with a look that I can only describe as pain, it seems his cup was filled to the rim and this line of questioning was just too much, he pours everything out in what seems like one breath. "It's been so long, we don't have sex, when we do I can never finish or even come close, she doesn't enjoy it, she still thinks sex is evil, how am I suppose to change years of suppression?!? We haven't talked about it in a long time, now that I've brought it up we fight all the time, I love her, but I don't know if this will be fixable, marriages end over less. I've started noticing other woman, I can't taste my food, all I want is to love my wife and feel it in return from her."
Silence for a long moment, it's clear his friend has nothing tangible to offer and with a subject so vast, where do you start? Finally with a humbled look his friend ask the only question he can, "What are you going to do?".
"Stay the course."
Nothing more. My mind is racing with objections, thoughts, scenarios, everything, but I stay silent ::cause, how rude would that be!:: Where do you draw the line? Cut your losses. Every situation is different, but the key is knowing and being comfortable with yourself. Without knowing your own limits you can't make the right decision. This guy knew himself pretty well but not well enough, there was a great deal of denial playing in this choice also. Everyday we're faced with decisions to make, some make them, some avoid, some regret and everyday I'm thankful that I know myself well enough to know what's best for me. That's all you can really aim for knowing what is best for you, not worrying about what anyone else is doing, because like you they will all make their own decisions, there is nothing you can do about it. What people may see as selfishness, I know is confidence. I'm confident enough to live by that view 'All you can control, is yourself'.
So in the instance that the part of your life you are unhappy with is controlled by someone else, when do you know to stay to course or cut your losses of a lost conquest.
-n
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