Dynamite Spot

When I hear stories of people being caught...doing something they shouldn't be or more so something they're not expected to be doing. It always sends me into a self-check of sorts, what am I doing, could it be questioned, and should it be questioned? If I'm okay with it does it matter what others may think? On the other hand, if it troubles those few I hold dear should I be concerned?

On more than one occasion, more than one friend of mine has dated more that one person at once. Some date everyone seriously and some date casually, if that makes a difference. Once upon a time I would be stricken with disapproval, but now I like to live and let live. If you're not hurting anyone right, with little comfort in the lack of truth in that statement I was brought to a new mental horizon. Because someone always gets hurt, it may not be a lasting hurt or a serious one, still the pain is there. So my new outlook became 'worry is waste', no reason to worry about what other people are doing and what might happen, just live and make yourself happy in each moment. So in never judging friends I become the default go to for advice or just a good old moral check ::the latter doesn't happen very often:: Guys and Girls alike come to weigh the possibilities of their situations...what if...maybe one day...the list goes on and on.

Every once and a while you get the friend who has been flowing too smoothly for a little too long, which equals one thing. Mass Destruction. There is no burn control even possible in these situations, it is full on wildfire. In the form of five girls all finding out about each other at once, and unfortunately for this friend his type just happens to be crazy, so five crazy woman all finding out about each other. Quite the show as you can imagine, but what I always find is the better show is the way there person tries to get out of 'trouble'.

I'm sit starving waiting to eat at a favorite sushi place, an agitated friend comes through the door and flops into the seat across from me, he has called an emergency lunch. I ask if he knows what he would like to eat, knowing that he has no appetite. My hot tea comes and as I hold the warm glass between my hands and sip, I'm interrupted by a large sigh. I generally never ask the questions until the topic has been opened, I had my ideas of what had happened but in this case he would have to spill. I make eye contact from over the rim of my cup, one eyebrow raised and he starts.

'I took a shower'

You took a shower?

'That is how this all happened!'

Of course, damn shower always screws my sh*t up.

'I got in the shower and left my phone out.'

Ooooooooh, ouch.

'I never leave my phone and of course the moment I do, She text me.'

Who?

'The ex.'

What are the odds...

'It didn't say anything bad, but it was almost midnight.'

So what did she say?

'Nothing.'

How do you know she saw it?

'I got out of the shower and saw the text, saw that it was marked read. She hadn't said anything to me so why would I bring it up. The next day Charlie called me furious.'

Charlie? The work ass?

'Turns out that she just saved all the numbers of the girls I call the most.'

Wait, wait you don't clear your history?! Oh, you deserve this! hahaha

'She called the ex and told her that I cheated on her for the last year of the relationship.'

Whuh?!

'She called Charlie and told her she was an office slut, Charlie ran to find comfort in Jen.

The other office ass?! Oh man.

'Jen freaked, while she was okay with Laura the girl on our softball team, someone else in our office was just too much.
Oh I agree, hahahaha.

'I went to softball because I never thought Jen would really say anything, Laura nailed me right in the back with a softball...hard!'

I'd be a little scared of her too.

'What the hell? How did this happen?!? My whole spot has been blown up!

Hm.

I take a thoughtful moment, who do you like out of the group? He gives me a look that says he doesn't want to give any of them up. So my answer. The don't. He looks at me like I've lost it along with the rest of them. I suggest taking it down to three, but if you really want to keep them all, show each that they still have your full attention. This is about attention, if they had no idea before you had more than one going, then just make them see that it's the same now. The only one that's gonna be trouble is the one who wants to be your girlfriend, the 'match' in this situation. You've got to tell her something else. Be honest to all others and don't tell crazy anything more than what she needs to know. Frankly I think that is the one you should get rid of. 'But she cooks.' Great reason, makes so much more sense now, you're an idiot!

The plan is formulated and the next steps are put into action. First I show up with him to company events, this shows the girls that there is no way he can be all bad, to hold a girl as a friend. Being a pretty friend makes them want to get his attention back ::two down::

Softball was particularly easy, I just happened to know that her boyfriend was not faithful last week, so what better way to get her back than an angry revenge bang ::two to go::

The ex, this was a little more specific, we would need to convince her over drinks that the girl who called her was a border line stalker that stole his phone. Why he still bangs her, I'll never understand ::one more down, one to go::

While out for drinks I convince him that this one is soo not worth all the work he'd have to put in, he begins to see my point. When a tap on my shoulder makes him turn white as snow. I turn to face a very angry 'crazy match' she ask me how I can still be friends with him after what he's done and if I knew all about these woman why I would let it go on.

My first thought is defensive, I didn't let him do anything. Until a thought comes to me, I turn sympathetic eyes to her. He told me all about the mis-understanding, all he's been able to talk about is how much he misses you. I'm the one who suggested he call all those girls, to break it off. This way anything he wanted with you could really work out, I would never have thought all this would happen. Where I am not a touchy person when it comes to people outside of my circle, I need to seal-this-deal. I stand and give her a tight hug, and continue with I love you two together, he is so lucky. I've got to run why don't you finish my martini, it's one of your favorites?

Shock, followed by something similar to triumph cross her face. I think to myself, does she really think she has won out against me?! Please:: She sits, places a hand on his shoulder and looks into his eyes for a moment. I turn to say goodbye to him, he smiles and says 'You are insane.'

-n

Layin It Down: First

First

Pronunciation: \ˈfərst\

Function: adjective
: preceding all others in time, order, or importance: a: having the highest or most prominent part among a group of similar voices or instruments

Growing up, I always was that girl who had a boyfriend. Hell, I remember my very first Mickey Mouse chain from Vernon in the 6th grade. Yes, I loved me some Vernon. Oh wait….maybe it was just the shiny gold chain that I loved. Well regardless, I had a good boyfriend, a boyfriend who treated me like his Minnie…his number no. one Bitch. All the other knobby knee girls would stand in the lunch line wondering why the boys never gave them a chain or their chocolate milk. “What does she have that we don’t have?!” Don’t worry ya’ll, I wasn’t giving up my “cookies” at that tender young age. I was just a down chick. I could hang with the boys yet still be a sweet girl. Plus I was simply fly…the complete package.

Things didn’t change much through the years. There were just a few guys for me in high school because I embraced the security of a long term relationship, even then. Wherever there was C….there was her main man, and I was his main girl. I always wore his jersey jacket, drove his car, got the respect from his knuckleheaded friends that rolled in his crew, and I loved the Queen status. Time to break up? No problem. There was another fine guy out there who wanted a no. one Bitch. And if you were worthy, I was happy to fill the spot.

In life, as we mature and experience different successes and obstacles, relationships grow or fade. You take the lessons and keep it moving, if you’re smart. Sometimes, keeping it moving means taking a pause from the relationship dance to just stop and breathe. This has actually been a rare time in my life, because I’ve been taking that pause for just a bit, embracing my single status. This has been growing time…C time.

Ha Ha…Yeah Right. This is not a Dr. Phil entry. I was simply tired of being in the same shit. So, I decided to play a little, have some much needed fun and excitement.

With that said, I was recently seduced by my physical trainer and actively began screwing him, knowing he still had a girlfriend. I know this is a popular scenario, but quite new to me. I knew him from high school. And he was just one of those guys who wanted to give me his chocolate milk, but instead watched me be someone else’s no. one Bitch. Well, he was looking so very delicious 15 years later that I had to allow him a taste of what he’s been missing. But something wasn’t right. I was getting the attention but not the way I wanted. I began having therapeutic conversations with N and S, dishing out my complaints. S, the witty realist, was trying to remind me that it was hard to be his no. two Bitch, when I didn’t have a no. two myself. It was an unbalanced situation. This was making some serious sense to me. So, if I have a no. two, I am not so dependent on the sexy trainer to give me what I need. Well, that still wasn’t good. I was frustrated. Why am I getting some half ass shit from this dude? And then N, in her usual one statement brilliance, simply said, “C, you are not a no. two Bitch. You are a no. one Bitch, and you can’t do anything with a man who doesn’t treat you like one.”

** Side Note: To be treated like a no. one Bitch simply means you are priority no. one to your suitor. Doesn’t necessarily mean you are the only one, and quite frankly, who cares. Cause really, is he your only one? But when it comes down to your needs vs. the needs of the other bitches, you come first. For example, if your car breaks down and the other bitch wants sex, his ass comes to your rescue with some Triple A type service. That other bitch needs to wait. **

N was so right! It was like a light bulb getting turned on in a dark ass closet! Lesson Learned: I always need to be the # 1 Bitch, no matter what ranking I have a man in. That is just my natural status in the game, regardless of me being in a secure stable relationship or just playing the field. Self-Discovery is priceless!

I also realized that Sexy Trainer wasn’t even worthy of being my no. one Bitch...he was definitely no. two or three status…so it really wasn’t even.

So when Sexy Trainer decided to call me after several weeks of me kicking him to the curb, you can only imagine how surprised I was. “Hey Girl, what’s up?” “Not much, just coming home from a long weekend”. ”Oh yeah, well I had a horrible day”, he says. “I just had to spend $1500 on my BMW, 4 new tires and an alignment.” I respond thinking his car is definitely on no. one Bitch status, but say instead, “Oh that’s messed up”. A short pause before he abruptly demands, “So why don’t you come over here and fuck the shit out of me so I can relieve some stress before I get on the road to go back home?”.

I’m sorry; I am not your phone-a-ho. Why don’t you go call your no. three Bitch to take care of you!” Can you believe that pompous dude?! “Yes”, S says. “I mean, wasn’t it just a month ago when you dialed him up in between DC appointments to ask him how many times he thought he could make you come in 20 minutes?” “Oh Damn, I forgot about that.” That was a good as line though. Ok, S was right…but did he really mind? Let’s remember, I’m the no. one Bitch, not him.
-spicy

Ever Hunter

Seeing something.
Perhaps someone.
Sizing them up.
Deciding you want it.
Pursuing.
Taking in all forms possible.
Stopping only with surrender.
With a final pause of triumph.
Glimpse to the side.
Take steps of new interest.

Go on...you know you want to.

No one wants to be told they can't make themselves happy, which is how I took the term at first. Thoughts quickly filtered into maybe I just know exactly what makes me happy, and that is the actual 'hunt'. As I sit drinking my latte in the perfect window seat, I'm able to see lots of people, all different, all approaching things from a different view. Hunters and Gatherers...Lions and Lambs...Wanters and Givers. Definitely a hunter, and last time I check that is not a bad thing.
Why settle for what comes your way, in any instance? On that note, why would you let someone make you think that 'they' are as good as it gets?! I have a friend who likes to say 'Girls are always looking to trade up'. Of course we are! We're f*ing smart. Yes, there will be a time, when every woman decides this is 'the' man. But until then, nothing and I mean nothing is holding us back, shocked? ::maybe for good reason, I mean it in the worst of ways::
Before my male readers think they are getting away with something, you are just as guilty as us. Mentally I would say you guys have the same thoughts all the time, it's the actual act that separates. Men are, for lack of a better term lazier about things like this. If a guy is just happy enough and gets just enough of his needs met chances are he will not go anywhere, he might think about it heavily, he might even cheat here and there. But to start all over, new relationship, learn a new person, too much work...besides he was happy enough before. Point being that everyone thinks about another life, perhaps a better life, I take that back most think about those things. I suppose there is a little hunter in all of us, but this term makes me think of the 'art' of the hunt. Or at least making it into an art, being so good people don't even see it coming. By that description...uh huh that's me. Watch out or don't gonna get ya anyways.
-n

Photo of Clouded Leopard, National Zoo

House Smoke and Chili

We'll not talk about the parking in this area, the U street strip is surrounded by residential properties which means parking if you are a lucky, lucky duck or you stock someone all the way to their spot ::stop laughing if you do that:: I should've called Steve tonight AA is my co-pilot, we head into the city with plans to see an old friend and maybe hear a song or two. We arrive in the U street corridor and where people are buzzing around and crowding into the many venues that line a three block radius. I don't visit here often a little too far from everything, as you know I like to hop around a bit. But there has been a request for my appearance that I would never deny.

After rounding the block a couple of times we find a spot, walking down the street there are structures in all different stages, some boarded up, some gutted, some the same for 50+ years and some brand spakin new using up ever little inch of lot they rest on. It's an interesting neighborhood, on the edge of an interesting and amazing time.

We see our guide light in the form of a red sign, that has been seen that much more often since Obamas recent visit, which is great for the already famous Bens Chili Bowl. But the old stand that is so well known among the neighborhood is not our destination tonight. We're going next door literally, to an understated entrance of Ben's sister location, Ben's Next Door. An lounge, bar, upscale version of the it's neighbor. Next Door boast over forty feet of bar length, elegant decorations, seated bar area, dining room, complete with celebrity chef Rock, you may know him from a couple season ago of Hell's Kitchen. But tonight we're in for a 'first glance' house smoke, and friends. We walk in and the bar gives quite the dramatic entrance, lining the whole right side of the space, the left side filled with hightops and chairs. It's comfortable and the crowd is a mix, just all over the place in a good way, no one could possible feel out of place with all these people here. We start with a couple of cocktails AA the Blueberry Caiprioska and I choose the Citrus District, lemoncello cocktail sounds attractive tonight. We've originally come for just a drink and a little catching up with one of Ben's grandsons and long time friend Logan, all in the family this will stay, he helps run daily and works his tootie off. From the days of seeing him behind the bar, he'd light my drinks on fire to a day when we both get to watch great futures roll out.
We stay longer than expected of course, and my stomach starts to take notice, he must've noticed the look in my eyes. Because as I reach for the menu I'm greeted with a House Smoke with Chili, I smile ear to ear of course when food is involved and dig in. An interesting note, is you are constantly greeted with the great smells of house smokes and chili, there is a rotisserie right behind the bar! It's great, worth all the talk. We have other stops in the night so we promise to return for a taste of the upscale soul food. Kisses and hugs are exchanged and we're walking down the bustling streets of dc, out night is in mid term but many night are just beginning, something I've always like about the city.