Comfort Found Next Door

'Don't mind her, she's grumpy'.

I'm running late, I hate running late. My last tweet for the night says it all 'grumpy and hungry'. The nights plan is to pickup C after she has a drink with the sinnersaint, he is my male counter part. C will go through two levels of checks and balances mainly he and I. While he means well and tries to be nice ::don't we all:: he is really bad, not in the worst way, but bad enough...thus the sinnersaint is born. She calls with an update on my way, you almost ready? I lie, uhhuh picking out my outfit now. My hair is soaking wet and I don't have a lick of an idea what I'm going to wear. Going with curly hair tonight so that is not a biggie, an outfit...something that everyone will see, remember and talk about behind my back. No pressure at all, guys have no idea how lucky they are, jeans and button-down...spoiled is what. As per my usual my outfits start with the shoes, tonight I choose Patent Grey, Black piping and Black stiletto. The outfit black on black, short skirt of offset the long legs, backless blouse ::yes, backless is a fav of mine::
Jewelry on, quick spritz of 'lure them in' and I'm out the door. Twenty minutes after I told C that I was twenty minutes away. Luckily when I call her she is still looking for parking, I give a dramatic huff and tell her I am looking as well, even though I am still clearly on the highway. She calls when she finds parking and ask if she should wait for me, I tell her to go on in...as I'm still blocks away.
A shot later I meet C inside our second home, we call it that cause everyone there is like family, dis functional and we wish it was home cause the booze is always flowing. Also, who doesn't like walking into a place where when there are no seats, they make them appear for us. She is laughing and flirting as I walk in, I'm handed a shot and it's followed up with a glass of wine. As I look around the place is packed. Too packed to be able to get something to eat, and I've yet to eat today. Before the drinking rolls into full force I decide we need to eat, also I can feel myself getting grumpy. While I'm generally a perky little thing, you catch me with an empty stomach and I'll rip yours out. So I suggest we move to another venue, the move is prompted by a text that promises good dinner.
As we walk through the doors of Next Door we're greeted by a more than packed bar and a Hostess that is more than a little confused or bitchy I'm too hungry to care. I ask about seating in the dining room and we're told the kitchen has closed for the night. I've heard rumor of Next Door doing this often lately so I'm not surprised, but still a little doubtful of the Hostesses ability to make the call. I smile and nod as we move past the host stand to the bar...I need a drink stat to deal with this craziness. The bar like the dining room is packed with patrons loving the new upscale spot gem on U street. C and I find a spot at the bar...I take it upon myself to start us off with two Vodka martinis. By the time I turn around C has already started a conversation with some Random, she takes her martini with excitement, while I give him a less than excited look and turn back around. My attention has switched to my phones I'm working on getting us a table and double checking the status of the kitchen. I find yes the tables are pretty full, but no the kitchen is not closed ::stupid hostess whore:: He asked us to wait ten minutes for the table to clear out, I agree...but inpatients is written all over my face, when is it not? Over my shoulder I hear C excuse my less than sweet demeanor with "Don't mind her, she's grumpy and hungry." No truer words have been said all night, C does at least understand that when I'm hungry that is it, I must be fed. He tries to engage me in the conversation, as if the look on my face doesn't tell him that I don't give a fuck. I decline and turn back to the bar, check my watch and notice ten minutes is about up and rescue is nowhere in sight. Quit play on one phone and I've got us new dinner reservations across town, play on the other phone and the driver is on his way. I down more than half of my martini and tell C to can the Random and finish her drink. She sees the look in my eyes and drinks without a question. I tell her we're leaving and after a short look of surprise she nods, as I take steps to leave he's there hands up to stop me from getting any farther.
"Table is ready!"he says.
I give him a 'You better not be bullshitting me look' and he gestures over my shoulder where a server is rapidly cleaning the table. I agree to sit and C is all too happy as she will get prime view of the kitchen, the better to eye up the Chef you see. We sit at a small two-top and do a full on sampler menu, started with
Rock's Signature Crab Cake
Vanilla Scented Sweet Potatoes (cause I love sweet potatoes)
Crispy Salmon
Roasted Rosemary Chicken
Ended with Coconut Cake

While the food was soul comforting, the company perfect, the service left more than something to be desired. I will put that on the year grace period, any new place has to get past the growing pains. With calls from the driver, we hug our goodbyes a little later than expected.
My phone is already filled with the text from our next location, my response 'C had to eat' ::that's right I blamed it on her, she's tipsy what does she know::

We've never been to Ibiza and now I can say for good reason. We are prompted to pay twenty at the door, but once I see my contact we're ushered in but not after being thoroughly search by a woman security guard that enjoyed it a little too much, we walk into a humid warehouse covered in carpet. The space is broken into a series of large rooms, each with a bar and different music genre. We coast through the main room and one through a series of halls find ourselves in a packed Latin music room, hard to walk kinda packed. A sudden understanding come over me of why we were frisked so thoroughly at the door, such an open space, so many people, one bad fight, one person with a knife, one person with a gun could go really bad really fast in here. We meet up with our group and are greeted with shots, just as quickly as we're being ushered into another room. An even larger room than the last two, there is a large dance floor in the middle, and a perimeter of tables some elevated on a step and some not. Two stories up Ibiza had flown in a great DJ mixing house music for us the rest of the night. We settle into our table and take turns dancing it up with a perfect group of gays we found. I turn to find C and see that she has been distracted by some guy and from where I stand I'm pretty sure one of the compliments was "You're soft like a stripper" What?! Really? I roll my eyes and focus my attention else where. Which just happens to be the part of our group that is so done, and I see this going down hill fast. Which means one thing, C and I have to leave before that happens which means now. I peel her suitor off of her and get our coats, we kiss our goodbyes to every ones drunken dismay and make our way outside.
Stepping into a very cool, rainy night...we catch eye contact while standing on the sidewalk and start laughing uncontrollably. We climb into the car, and get dropped off a few blocks from our cars...as we walk linked arm in arm she mentions Empanadas and I give her a look that clearly says 'I remember the last time we tried this one.' the compromise is stopping back at our second home for a quick pizza.
With full bellies, and cloudy minds we hug out our goodbyes and each walk that half block alone. That eerie hour in DC when you see people, but not a lot of people, the birds are chirping, but the street lamps are still glowing, most peaceful you'll see it, right before the start of a new day.
-n

Sex On Tap

Find a replacement? No way, too much work!

I am a big believer in not burning your bridges, even if it is a bad ending keep it civil because somewhere down the line 'that' person is going to be the person you need. As C and I navigate our way through the city I introduce her as my bestest best and everyone takes her as family. After a few martinis it's always the same story...We've known her forever, since she was a baby, before she was evil, wait she's always been evil. I laugh and take the teasing, but the truth is I'd have it no other way. Knowing people what they're about, what they bring to the table, what they bring as an up-side.

The 'up-side' is always something I look for but never a one way street, as much as someone can do for me I can do for them. But with all these connections, all these bridges there are lots of layers.

Many different levels of relationship are a part of every life, but what happens when sex is a part of many of those relationships? While many of the parts of the relationships have ended, the sex part of them stays, not only stays but is still active. With an understanding. I joke and tell people that the girls I know never have dry-spells and to a degree its true, when there is always someone to fit your fancy, what is stopping you?

Nothing. As I begin my survey on the subject, I find out that I am the only one who thinks nothing. Excuses roll in from all over the place, I call them excuses because the reasoning behind them was more of self preservation, then self gratification. Not that it's incorrect to want to self preserve, it's natural a protective action, you may not even know you're doing. The list starts with, Sounds nice, but in real life things like that don't work and moves into...

Feelings developing.

Feelings getting hurt.

Everyone not being understanding.

Lack of equal honesty.

Not everyone is ready for such things.

The only valuable point I got was personality, it does take a certain personality, but what doesnt. It takes a certain personality to own a dog. If all the above possible reasons are your personal reasons than you should stay in the safety zone. We'll come visit when bored out of our damn minds, but with sex on tap when would that happen? The ready are born ready.
What is the upside in all these layers? When there is so much at risk. Perhaps it's in the risk nothing is ever for certain, being able to have that connection with more than one person, could be special, could be meaningful in the moment, could be supportive when needed. Pass up all these possibilities, in exchange for what monogamy, safety, comfort, general do right, and because it's easy. Suppose easy is a relative statement, what comes to some may never even be seen by others, not even a glance.
I agree with another softer point brought up, having someone to come home to. But in a day and life filled with moments, it's fair enough to say pick the moments that are going to make you happy at that moment. Coming home to someone is just a moment like the others, holding no more value than the others.
Sex on tap, brings serious thoughts, about meaningful people, memorable moments.
-n

Dynamite Spot

When I hear stories of people being caught...doing something they shouldn't be or more so something they're not expected to be doing. It always sends me into a self-check of sorts, what am I doing, could it be questioned, and should it be questioned? If I'm okay with it does it matter what others may think? On the other hand, if it troubles those few I hold dear should I be concerned?

On more than one occasion, more than one friend of mine has dated more that one person at once. Some date everyone seriously and some date casually, if that makes a difference. Once upon a time I would be stricken with disapproval, but now I like to live and let live. If you're not hurting anyone right, with little comfort in the lack of truth in that statement I was brought to a new mental horizon. Because someone always gets hurt, it may not be a lasting hurt or a serious one, still the pain is there. So my new outlook became 'worry is waste', no reason to worry about what other people are doing and what might happen, just live and make yourself happy in each moment. So in never judging friends I become the default go to for advice or just a good old moral check ::the latter doesn't happen very often:: Guys and Girls alike come to weigh the possibilities of their situations...what if...maybe one day...the list goes on and on.

Every once and a while you get the friend who has been flowing too smoothly for a little too long, which equals one thing. Mass Destruction. There is no burn control even possible in these situations, it is full on wildfire. In the form of five girls all finding out about each other at once, and unfortunately for this friend his type just happens to be crazy, so five crazy woman all finding out about each other. Quite the show as you can imagine, but what I always find is the better show is the way there person tries to get out of 'trouble'.

I'm sit starving waiting to eat at a favorite sushi place, an agitated friend comes through the door and flops into the seat across from me, he has called an emergency lunch. I ask if he knows what he would like to eat, knowing that he has no appetite. My hot tea comes and as I hold the warm glass between my hands and sip, I'm interrupted by a large sigh. I generally never ask the questions until the topic has been opened, I had my ideas of what had happened but in this case he would have to spill. I make eye contact from over the rim of my cup, one eyebrow raised and he starts.

'I took a shower'

You took a shower?

'That is how this all happened!'

Of course, damn shower always screws my sh*t up.

'I got in the shower and left my phone out.'

Ooooooooh, ouch.

'I never leave my phone and of course the moment I do, She text me.'

Who?

'The ex.'

What are the odds...

'It didn't say anything bad, but it was almost midnight.'

So what did she say?

'Nothing.'

How do you know she saw it?

'I got out of the shower and saw the text, saw that it was marked read. She hadn't said anything to me so why would I bring it up. The next day Charlie called me furious.'

Charlie? The work ass?

'Turns out that she just saved all the numbers of the girls I call the most.'

Wait, wait you don't clear your history?! Oh, you deserve this! hahaha

'She called the ex and told her that I cheated on her for the last year of the relationship.'

Whuh?!

'She called Charlie and told her she was an office slut, Charlie ran to find comfort in Jen.

The other office ass?! Oh man.

'Jen freaked, while she was okay with Laura the girl on our softball team, someone else in our office was just too much.
Oh I agree, hahahaha.

'I went to softball because I never thought Jen would really say anything, Laura nailed me right in the back with a softball...hard!'

I'd be a little scared of her too.

'What the hell? How did this happen?!? My whole spot has been blown up!

Hm.

I take a thoughtful moment, who do you like out of the group? He gives me a look that says he doesn't want to give any of them up. So my answer. The don't. He looks at me like I've lost it along with the rest of them. I suggest taking it down to three, but if you really want to keep them all, show each that they still have your full attention. This is about attention, if they had no idea before you had more than one going, then just make them see that it's the same now. The only one that's gonna be trouble is the one who wants to be your girlfriend, the 'match' in this situation. You've got to tell her something else. Be honest to all others and don't tell crazy anything more than what she needs to know. Frankly I think that is the one you should get rid of. 'But she cooks.' Great reason, makes so much more sense now, you're an idiot!

The plan is formulated and the next steps are put into action. First I show up with him to company events, this shows the girls that there is no way he can be all bad, to hold a girl as a friend. Being a pretty friend makes them want to get his attention back ::two down::

Softball was particularly easy, I just happened to know that her boyfriend was not faithful last week, so what better way to get her back than an angry revenge bang ::two to go::

The ex, this was a little more specific, we would need to convince her over drinks that the girl who called her was a border line stalker that stole his phone. Why he still bangs her, I'll never understand ::one more down, one to go::

While out for drinks I convince him that this one is soo not worth all the work he'd have to put in, he begins to see my point. When a tap on my shoulder makes him turn white as snow. I turn to face a very angry 'crazy match' she ask me how I can still be friends with him after what he's done and if I knew all about these woman why I would let it go on.

My first thought is defensive, I didn't let him do anything. Until a thought comes to me, I turn sympathetic eyes to her. He told me all about the mis-understanding, all he's been able to talk about is how much he misses you. I'm the one who suggested he call all those girls, to break it off. This way anything he wanted with you could really work out, I would never have thought all this would happen. Where I am not a touchy person when it comes to people outside of my circle, I need to seal-this-deal. I stand and give her a tight hug, and continue with I love you two together, he is so lucky. I've got to run why don't you finish my martini, it's one of your favorites?

Shock, followed by something similar to triumph cross her face. I think to myself, does she really think she has won out against me?! Please:: She sits, places a hand on his shoulder and looks into his eyes for a moment. I turn to say goodbye to him, he smiles and says 'You are insane.'

-n

Layin It Down: First

First

Pronunciation: \ˈfərst\

Function: adjective
: preceding all others in time, order, or importance: a: having the highest or most prominent part among a group of similar voices or instruments

Growing up, I always was that girl who had a boyfriend. Hell, I remember my very first Mickey Mouse chain from Vernon in the 6th grade. Yes, I loved me some Vernon. Oh wait….maybe it was just the shiny gold chain that I loved. Well regardless, I had a good boyfriend, a boyfriend who treated me like his Minnie…his number no. one Bitch. All the other knobby knee girls would stand in the lunch line wondering why the boys never gave them a chain or their chocolate milk. “What does she have that we don’t have?!” Don’t worry ya’ll, I wasn’t giving up my “cookies” at that tender young age. I was just a down chick. I could hang with the boys yet still be a sweet girl. Plus I was simply fly…the complete package.

Things didn’t change much through the years. There were just a few guys for me in high school because I embraced the security of a long term relationship, even then. Wherever there was C….there was her main man, and I was his main girl. I always wore his jersey jacket, drove his car, got the respect from his knuckleheaded friends that rolled in his crew, and I loved the Queen status. Time to break up? No problem. There was another fine guy out there who wanted a no. one Bitch. And if you were worthy, I was happy to fill the spot.

In life, as we mature and experience different successes and obstacles, relationships grow or fade. You take the lessons and keep it moving, if you’re smart. Sometimes, keeping it moving means taking a pause from the relationship dance to just stop and breathe. This has actually been a rare time in my life, because I’ve been taking that pause for just a bit, embracing my single status. This has been growing time…C time.

Ha Ha…Yeah Right. This is not a Dr. Phil entry. I was simply tired of being in the same shit. So, I decided to play a little, have some much needed fun and excitement.

With that said, I was recently seduced by my physical trainer and actively began screwing him, knowing he still had a girlfriend. I know this is a popular scenario, but quite new to me. I knew him from high school. And he was just one of those guys who wanted to give me his chocolate milk, but instead watched me be someone else’s no. one Bitch. Well, he was looking so very delicious 15 years later that I had to allow him a taste of what he’s been missing. But something wasn’t right. I was getting the attention but not the way I wanted. I began having therapeutic conversations with N and S, dishing out my complaints. S, the witty realist, was trying to remind me that it was hard to be his no. two Bitch, when I didn’t have a no. two myself. It was an unbalanced situation. This was making some serious sense to me. So, if I have a no. two, I am not so dependent on the sexy trainer to give me what I need. Well, that still wasn’t good. I was frustrated. Why am I getting some half ass shit from this dude? And then N, in her usual one statement brilliance, simply said, “C, you are not a no. two Bitch. You are a no. one Bitch, and you can’t do anything with a man who doesn’t treat you like one.”

** Side Note: To be treated like a no. one Bitch simply means you are priority no. one to your suitor. Doesn’t necessarily mean you are the only one, and quite frankly, who cares. Cause really, is he your only one? But when it comes down to your needs vs. the needs of the other bitches, you come first. For example, if your car breaks down and the other bitch wants sex, his ass comes to your rescue with some Triple A type service. That other bitch needs to wait. **

N was so right! It was like a light bulb getting turned on in a dark ass closet! Lesson Learned: I always need to be the # 1 Bitch, no matter what ranking I have a man in. That is just my natural status in the game, regardless of me being in a secure stable relationship or just playing the field. Self-Discovery is priceless!

I also realized that Sexy Trainer wasn’t even worthy of being my no. one Bitch...he was definitely no. two or three status…so it really wasn’t even.

So when Sexy Trainer decided to call me after several weeks of me kicking him to the curb, you can only imagine how surprised I was. “Hey Girl, what’s up?” “Not much, just coming home from a long weekend”. ”Oh yeah, well I had a horrible day”, he says. “I just had to spend $1500 on my BMW, 4 new tires and an alignment.” I respond thinking his car is definitely on no. one Bitch status, but say instead, “Oh that’s messed up”. A short pause before he abruptly demands, “So why don’t you come over here and fuck the shit out of me so I can relieve some stress before I get on the road to go back home?”.

I’m sorry; I am not your phone-a-ho. Why don’t you go call your no. three Bitch to take care of you!” Can you believe that pompous dude?! “Yes”, S says. “I mean, wasn’t it just a month ago when you dialed him up in between DC appointments to ask him how many times he thought he could make you come in 20 minutes?” “Oh Damn, I forgot about that.” That was a good as line though. Ok, S was right…but did he really mind? Let’s remember, I’m the no. one Bitch, not him.
-spicy