I hate <3 Day

A valentines puzzle, with a large group of Single friends and an equally large group of Non-single friends a question comes up, who is enjoying this Saturday Valentines more?

As I run around playing cupid today, my goal is to make sure no one I care about is forgotten. If it's a call, text, card, or Chocolate for a select few I want them to know on this highly commercialized 'holiday' that they are in my thoughts. Even if you have secured yourself a Valentine, I want you to know, you don't have to have a Valentine. My day starts with a text to all my best guys, sending well wishes and seeing what they have planned for the day. A few of them happen to be single so the nights plan, is a Birthday celebration in the city. Next, a couple of phone calls to the girls, well wishes, and checking up on more plans. I get a list of what has been gifted so far and what activities are to come, strangely also including possibly going into the city. Then I move on to hand delivering cards and sweets...The girls are very excited some because it's the only thing they will get today, other because they get to add to the pile of crap some guy or guys has already showered them with. As I make all these special visits, I end with my own collection of gifts received along the way.

If you were wondering I did have a Valentine. We had day time plans as I was requested to be able to make an appearance at a party in the city during the evening ::and yes I brought him along:: My day was nice, and relaxed but there was an underlying feeling of obligation. To make the day something special, and to have it be very memorable. When all I was looking for, really all I'm ever looking for is a little fun and laughter. If you really want the days details feel free to send an email, they don't have much of a place in this post. The day is broken up by a much needed nap, I love, love, love my bed. Nothing and I mean nothing makes me happier than getting to come home and bury myself under piles of downs and pillows.

Woken by an eta call, I am of course running late, throw on the first thing I find. Black cotton dress, black boots...not very valentines I notice as I pass the mirror, but who wants to be valentinesy?! Meeting up we start in Georgetown, a low key group we've all managed seats at the bar so there is lots of talking going on. The perfect time for me to start some research, I start with a new couple...they haven't banged yet, so I suppose they are no couple at all. Together none the less I ask a few questions, how was dinner? Did you have fun today? They both give me glowing reports of nothing special, saw a movie, got pizza, had a great day ::interesting:: Next a couple that has been going strong for I think the last glowing report was eight months, which I agree there's no point in keeping track, especially for them the end is near. From the girl I get a run down of the menu that he prepared for her all by himself, as I glance to him I get an eye roll...a little confused I find out he wanted sex right after dinner and before going out, she on the other hand would have no part in messing up her hair. Men, you have no chance of understanding us, just none. We move to another location, one a little more lively the girls want to dance and so they do. But luckily for me more alcohol is involved in a second location so I get all kinds of valentines feedback.
'He did a great job, but I really thought he would propose.'
A great job? Is that what this has become?
'I got a dozen yellow roses, he said he wanted it to be different...what the f does that mean?!'
Angry, so angry.
'She got me the coolest cuff links.'
Jewelry, also a guys best friend?
'All I want is a bj and I'm gonna get it'
Determination, that's what I like to see.

Before I slip into the perfect middle ground of vodka-sodas and well...everything else my thoughts come together. The best days in general whether a special day or just today, should be organic. To much expectation leads to disappointment. Let actions, thoughts, and emotions fall where they may and enjoy the ride. While I enjoy a chocolate coma as much as the next person, I will continue to secretly 'hate heart day'. I say secretly because I enjoy making people feel special, but other than that I could do with out a day that you're expected to eat all that chocolate out of a heart shaped box.

-n

Photo of a colorful Washington Sunset

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Gone are the days of woman sitting on a hill, hopefully pulling petals off of some poor flower.
These days we focus more on the art of bringing men to there knees without them even realizing it's happening. No, not because we like to be cruel ::maybe for some of us:: more because while there are no two woman alike, we're just a different breed these days. Why sit and wait for a man, for love, for any thing we want really. When I get asked for advice about relationships and love, I say just tell them what you want. Get over here, take off your clothes. I know a little too direct for some, but really you should give it a try, it's fun.
Romance. To all you guys out there who dart around the car to open the door, pull the chair out at dinner, stand when we stand, or go as far to offer us the last scoop of ice cream ::wait that never happens:: Hats off to you. Of course romance still has a place in every day, in every life, but has the face of romance changed? I know the things that stick with me about someone change all the time, a touch on the chin, a sultry look from across the room, and always confidence. I love confident men, I would go as far to say that I have a complete fetish for confident men ::but that's enough about me:: In giving my straight forward advice I often hear the comment, that's not very romantic.
What does romance look like today? When I asked the question I got answers from all over the place. Most noticeable, Porn and Pizza! There is nothing better than when my girl has a new porn playing and pizza waiting for me when I get home, that is when I know in my heart that I picked a girl who loves me and I will love forever. From that answer I gather, yes, romance has changed. The chances of your grandparents watching porn together over pizza, admit it...are slim to none. When they dated romance was, a pin on the shirt and sharing a milkshake. On that note, I still think still think sharing milkshakes is romantic, but realistically I don't want to share my milkshake, I want my own and my extra refill tin.
Real. I grew up raised to eat, sleep, and live fairy tales, knowing that someday my price charming would come along and swoop me off my feet to the very large castle that waited just beyond that perfect sunset. But today, I have a very realistic view of my present and future, what I have today, what I want tomorrow, what I can strive for later. Am I too logical for my emotions? When I look at the woman around me they are strong, independent, and taking over the world ::uh huh, I said it:: And as a result of that, these woman raise their brilliant little girls to be brilliant woman, never waiting for anything to be given to them, working hard for what they want, and believing in themselves. As we raise this newer breed of woman will romance still hold fast? Will these reality based, head strong, non-raised on Fairy Tale woman still have an image of romance that has to do with flowers and surprises? Or will it be based on accomplishments and work ethic?
All these thoughts swirling in my mind, ending with the same feeling. I never regret falling in love, I hold each of those people dear in my heart. Maybe not in the same way, but with notice that each of these people made me the lover I am today. Romance, to me is anything that will stay with you longer than the moment, anything you can bounce back to and smile about. That being said I believe that romance can be all of the things listed above from a secret caress to talent and even a flower.
While I started out to write about the different ways woman and men approach love today, I think I hit closer on the note of, Romance...where are you? I'm often quoted to say Do it to it, while it's a silly saying I feel humbled when I hear someone else say it, because it takes me back to the feeling of why I like to say it so much. You want that something, little or big? Than go get it...do it.

-n

Photo of Roses in Feb

Pole Temptation

She glances across the room with almost longing eyes, how she wishes she could throw all inhibition out the window and hop up on that platform.

Tonight I am running so early that I call ahead, to make sure there is a seat for me at one of my favorite spots. Circa is as popular for dinner as it is for cocktails around this time of the night, which equals quite the busy bar. I also place a call to Steve, give him the coordinates, schedule a pickup and give a brief plan for the night. As I walk down the street the sky is cloudy and white the way it gets when it's about to snow, but I knew there would be no snow tonight just the bitter bitter cold. I round the corner and through the large window that line half of the restaurant I see that the bar is quite busy, but that's okay better for people watching. I walk through heavy Red velvet curtains a new addition with the winter season, just in time to catch a corner seat at the bar.

Start the night with a glass of Sparkling Shiraz and mac n cheese between two strangers. The one to my left is a middle aged man, who clearly has food envy for my dinner. Finally he breaks down and ask if that is what the place is known for, I give him a puzzled look the mac n cheese? 'Yes.' I don't know if it's what this place is known for, but it's really good. I get mac n cheese every where and love theirs. Satisfied with my answer he decides that I don't need to eat the rest of my dinner in peace rather keep him entertained with answer any and all of his questions ::thank you tourist, you've ended my golden silence::

'I don't live here, I'm just here every weekend.'

Uh huh, the next line is something about having a favorite hotel I'm sure.

'I come to see my daughter.'

Nice, that doesn't make you any less creepy.

'So you seem to know people, do you come here often?'

No...no I don't.

'Well I think I'll come back, maybe even tomorrow.'

That's great you should.

'Are you gonna be here tomorrow?'

No...no I won't,

now finish your beer and get out of my face, you creepy, old, man/father, you're daughter should be ashamed about how creepy you come across.

Enter C to save my life, and really this guys, because that above line was a thought that came very close to becoming reality. As C enters a previously quite girl at the bar by herself has been woken up into a vibrant one who's laughing a lot. It doesn't take much when we're together, actually just a look can have us laughing for ten minutes straight. My drink switches to my new pre-dance the night away choice, Lattetini with a double shot of espresso. Gets me perfectly perky. C takes the bartenders suggestion and gets some crazy Lemonade drink, always experimenting that one. I give her the rundown of the agenda, nothing crazy pretty low key night, meet up with a small group of friends and their friends from out of the country and show 'em a good time, probably only one spot for the night. But we don't leave before we get our fix of well...all kinds of things, for C it's her take that bartender.

After a few 'where are you' phone calls, I explain to C that she gets to meet Steve, she's excited to say the least. As we leave a familiar face inquiries of where we're on our way to, I answer right out front we're waiting for Steve. As panic sends color up his neck I explain that Steve while not only being our new best friend is the ultimate hookup in the city...my driver. He give a honest laugh and says 'That is the last thing your ego needs!' ::ah, so true:: So we're on our way across town C meet Steve, Steve this is my very close and important friend C... She and I talk up a storm the whole way there and Steve puts his two cents in where ever he can fit, until C tries to get sneaky and get Steve's card. Now I'm all about Steve having lots of business and I would love C to use him, just not when I'm in town. And I mean that in the most caring way, but there is no fucking around here ::sweet smile reaches lips::

We hop out right in front, still amazed by the time we save by not looking for parking we scoot right up to the door, give our names, and of course my id gets such a serious look over that you would think I was applying for a job at the White House. That's cool I understand it's your job to check, but please don't ask me to smile in a mild attempt to hit on me, it's cold and these sexy boots are only keeping my legs so warm ::ass:: Once inside we are greeted by a steep set of red carpet lined steps, really stairs should never be in a club too many casualties to be experienced. On the other end of that thought, stairs always make the perfectly dramatic entrance, everyone gets first a glimpse of the shoes, then of course the legs, followed by perfectly sexy look and hair. What more could a girl ask for...maybe a little wind, spotlight, and the some slow motion to really bring the moment home.

Josephine's is all about expensive luxury and as I type those words is there any other kind? Lush fabrics on the couches, detailed textures on the wall and chandeliers adorn the ceiling. The club is broken almost into two separate clubs, the backroom bar has a HipHop DJ separate tables and really it's own vibe. Wanna do some dirty grinding? You'll have no problem finding it there. The main room and larger bar is more House music mixed with a little top forty, a main area of tables when you walk in, then a sunken in level of more tables, ample space to dance, people watch, and platforms complete with gogo dancers ::good ones too:: C and I make a round through the club, pass the bar and run into a few friends. A shot? Sure, why not! Now on to meet our table, we get there a bottle of ciroc has already been poured down about a quarter ::this is the type of night it's going to be:: All the guys know C but have had limited contact so the introductions are re-made and the festivities begin. We chat a little, make our drinks, and find out that the guys are on the prowl tonight. Inviting any girl who makes just the right kind of sexy eye contact to the table, which is quite entertaining to me. Especially when over my shoulder I catch C with her eye on someone already, let the games begin. My drinking is slower than usual, long night last night, but I can amuse myself just fine while the other enter vodkavision. The night goes as follows... M finds a table full of girls and makes nice with of course the bitchiest one, don't bring her over here she might meet my boot before she meets your goodies ::the b is the queen b:: HS is a equally dear friend that well I have to say is racist in the worst way, before him I had no concept of color, after...let's just say there was an after. His line to me is it's okay not only am I of color, but I racist against everyone. He is the poster child for 'single and ready to mingle', humoring all the girls he's in with the first giggle you let slip, a sneaky one that one. I'm glad I get to stay on the good hearted side of him, otherwise we would seriously hate each others guts. Dancing and taking pictures he stays close the table and the vodka, he and C should join DWTS as a pair with the moves I saw that night. C has the need to see what is going on in the shall we say more urban area of the club, we walk into a great song and can't help but bust into the middle of the dance floor, dance are butts off, then keep it moving, we've got things to see ::or something like that::
We make it back to the table and HS has managed to order another bottle and half of it is already gone, I'm confused to what has happened so what better way to figure it out than make myself another drink. I sit onto the couch exhausted from dancing and he looks at me, eyes hazed over and says 'we gotta finish this bottle'. Just as I get ready to explain how that is not going to happen, C pulls me off the couch spins me around and points all in one motion. Before I know it I'm faced with a woman who is too old, to be in a club wearing that outfit and on that pole. What?!
I ask a little more concerned that I'm missing the point 'look at her! I could do so much better, she's a mess!'
Oh yeah? I bet you could. Why don't you then?
You come with me.
Okay...let's go.
I want a front row seat to this show anyways, she grabs my had and leads me down the stairs to the platform right next to the gogo dancer. 'Look at her she is doing such a great job, I can't this.' An about face turn, up the stairs and we're back at our table. When I catch her looking over again, this time I'm standing and dancing with KindSalt&Pepper, she comes over and stands next to me. I look over knowing the look I would meet was one of determination, and of course we're down the stairs and at the base of the platform again.
Alright, hop up.
'I should right.'
Before I knew what was happening she was leading me back up the stairs, this time the bouncer that has been eyeing me up all night makes a comment 'Better stop distracting me by going up and down my stairs.' A polite smile reaches my lips, I don't think it's us using the stairs that's distracting you, because I'm pretty sure while I was over there sitting at my table you were just as distracted with us. ::next, get a better line:: We get back to the table and KindS&P has found a nice girl to dance with, recently re-released onto the market we're happy anytime he gets the chance to have some fun, so I pass by and snap a pic just in case he wants to remember in the morning. Back at the table C and I dance, make HS into a sandwich and laugh for a while. Until yep, there it was again the look, she goes to grab my hand and I move it away. If we go down there again you are getting on that pole. The serious look in my eye makes her think about it for half a second and then she's leading me back down the stairs and towards that oh so familiar platform. This time no one is up there perfect timing, I give her a push and tell her to go on up. She hesitates until some guys gives her just what she needed, at compliment and a shot. With that she was on the pole, knee high red boots, dress and all. I shout out woohoos and sexys here and there, people notice her right away and before you know it she has a little following, money could be in this night after all. The DJ hits the perfect stream of music and she dances and dances, tapped out she steps down into the waiting arms of quite the fan 'Need a drink?' He ask her, a whole new chapter to the night flashed before my eyes, followed directly of thought that we planned a early night and I interject we've got drinks thanks for the offer though. I navigate her through the crowd and back up the stairs, we take a much needed break on the couch and I notice this night is over. I observe C to see if she was feeling the same way or if it would be hard to get her out. With quite the content look I see this was definitely the end of the night, I place a quick call to Steve and we start to say our goodbyes. Hugs and kisses across the board, she and I make our way outside to where smokers are huddled under the heaters, we make our own space and one of the bouncers comes over to talk to C, 'Saw you inside.' he explains 'You have some great moves.' ::vomit, original material only please:: Steve pulls up with perfect timing, C and I just in.

I look over at her and can read all over her face, it was worth throwing caution to the wind and I can't help but agree. We have this one life - do it right.

-n

Photo of taken through out the night at various locals

Old School Playa

Play the game much?
I have to admit this question took me a little by surprise, while most don't. But for a virtual stranger to one accuse me of one being a player and than two ask me about it was well...strange. What answer we're they really looking for? Is this one of those instances that I'm suppose to be brutally honest and get all the shock value I deserve? or Was this person really waiting for an answer that would put them at ease in knowing that there is no such thing. Not feeling sassy as usual I shake my head and act like I have no idea what that word even means. They seem immediately put at ease, happy in their own thoughts of life and perhaps of me.

This simple question brings up all kinds of thoughts, What is a player in this day and age? So I look to the examples right around me and find a little of old school and a little new age. Old school comes in the form a looks perfect on paper guy, he has everything going for him. Yet, he still plays the game like he's a pimp ::not in the taking money from tricks kind:: More like he sweet talks all the girls, and doesn't tell the full truth to any of them. When ever I interact with him it makes me wonder why? Maybe a lack in confidence that he can carry more than one girl honestly...maybe he just likes the art of having all these girls in 'love' with him. Why would you want to be constantly on? Never being able to relax, but maybe the adrenalin is enough, all the girls having what they think are real feelings for you, all of them wanting you in the same way, all of them thinking that there is a possibility when there really isn't. I guess it could be entertaining for a hot second, but for life no thanks.

When I look to the other side of the spectrum, I feel like it's the closest that we'll ever get to the good ol' days of free love, that is with all those scary stds running around these days. I get an explanation of, if you're gonna hold something on the side with a main serious thing...you gotta be honest with everyone else. In situations like that you only lie to one person, everyone else has to be understanding of whats real. Once I looked at it that way, you really can get much further that way. Even if there wasn't one person you lied to and you were just honest with everyone in your life. It would be a much easier way to live and enjoy, most people think of guys when I start to talk about things like this. But in this day and age the 'new age' girls are all over the place and killing the market like no other ::yup I just called it a market:: Everything is business around here.
So while guys love to think that they are all a girl needs and the sun/moon in our lives, be put on notice...we are crazy. Alright had to get that out there, but more and more my girlfriends are getting away from the pretense that you must always have a serious boyfriend. Now we lean towards enjoying life, being young, and getting what we need. That being my most important point how often do you meet someone and you like 60% of their person, but there are a few things you would change. Well how about finding someone else who you might like 70% of their person and another you might just like 50% of. But in this equation you like each person for something different so all of those different needs you have are met to the fullest. Someone to have dinner with, someone to rent movies with, someone to hit the town with, someone to love with, or maybe that's a good part of all of them. Sounds pretty nice right? For some people it is, for some it's easy to separate each person and relationship. For others the emotions alone are too much and that's alright the key is knowing yourself enough to say when.

But my question still lingers with me...why in this day and age would you play by the old rules? A time when you could love each person and relationship for what it is, seems like a lot of people would be happier and there would be a lot less of broken heart syndrome. I don't use the word love lightly, but once you find comfort with yourself everything else will come.

-n

Photo of the Lincoln Memorial