Confetti Covered Floor

Move into every relationship with an open mind. Each individual begins with the same level of adoration, respect and liking. So what changes? What makes someone a best friend and what makes someone a frienemy? Emotions. It's all that comes to mind.

I run the inquiry past a friend and the response is 'I keep people in tiers.' Tiers? The first thought that comes to mind is 'effort' it takes a lot to create a mental hierarchy, using precious energy and mental power. In everything a natural order works itself out, how often you see someone, how long you spend with them, how well you get along. Within a society that over-booking is normal, I'd like to think I can leave the people in my life to a 'honor system' so-to-speak.





I give freely - so take freely.
I give everything - what you need is here.
Loyalty always - come through when asked.
Trust all - think before you abuse it.




Completely possible that I give freely as a way to keep things easy and stress to a minimum. Habits developed as a result of wanting to keep the energy put in, to a minimum. Which takes me to a thought, possibly even a concern that, I am too realistic for my emotions. Looking at this situation I think to myself, Have I been too nice? Not in the 'someone has walked all over me' way, but closer to the 'you had a little too much slack and hung yourself' way. Appreciation is important, yet rarely brought up as a key point or need. For each aspect in a relationship, there should be appreciation right behind it to make that particular relationship unique and valuable.
Of course in life, not everyone has the same outlook and each person does not handle relationships with similar actions. Never expecting individuals to do what you might consider the 'right' thing. There will be always be a person who comes along and takes all the cookies out of the cookie jar, fucking it up the for the rest of us. Making that space a little harder to fill, a little more jaded for the next relationship. Each person has their own bottom line that needs to be taken into consideration. When all that lust filled confetti has fallen...after the newness has warn off...company alone no longer fills the need...are you in the red or black? What are you left with?

Blank shreds of colored paper surround a single silhouette. For better or worse...you will always have more to sprinkle your path.

-n

Skip a Beat

My Angel

She glides, with grace and style her own

She captivates and captures hearts, unknown

She loves and makes the world go round

Her beauty and laughter, world renowned

She makes your world a better place,

She puts the smile upon your face,

She makes my heart sing, and sets me free

My Angel truly means the world to me…

The author is not me. But I felt it was so worth sharing. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do if not more. Sometimes you just need a heartfelt moment...the kind that makes you skip a beat all together.

-n

Look Familiar

Hopefully not, cause if there are photos like that floating around I'd be a little worried! I get lots of questions as to why I keep anonymous and even more request for a pictures of myself. While any regular readers have seen snapshots of me here and there, this should answer any questions of what does that capitaln look like.

Courage for this photo goes to my bestie C she is there to support me in my craziest moments. Effort of the actual shoot and liquid courage goes to a couple of friends of mine, I thank them both for letting me run naky in their place and well making the Apple martins, cause I definitely needed them.

So I think that's all I can say about this photo besides, enjoy!

-n

Would be Conquest

A glint of pride as he talks of his wife. This man describes the last year of new joy from marriage.

A story I love. Happily Ever After. While I'm all too understanding in what life can throw at us. I still sit back and enjoy watching someone plan the day that will start the rest of their lives. For the duration of the marriage that is. Even in knowing something just won't last, I watch them enjoy the ride and detailed dance it takes to keep the show up.
Should there be a disclaimer 'Shelf life, not forever.'?

Overhear a sigh of content, as he tells his lunch date that he's changed so much...feels so whole. Can't wait to make things better, be better for her, their life and the children she wants to bring into the world. He catches my eye as that last bit is mentioned and lends me a smile of comradery, as if there is an understanding that I too want children ::mentally, throws self down stairs:: I continue to listen while I sip my latte, my lunch date is late and it works out because I would like to keep listening to see where this goes.

"So how is the sex. Ya, know...since you broke the seal and all." His friend ask with a little caution but the curiosity driving this line of question is not stopping him from getting an answer. I hold my latte to my lips as to not draw attention to myself, the man looks around as if he is about to open Pandora's Box. At least I hope that is what he is about to bring to the surface, his face is older than his age...you can tell he's been down many different paths, none of them leading him where he truly wants to be. But perhaps that is because he doesn't yet know where he wants to be or needs to be.
"I've tried everything." He finally says in almost a whisper. His friend doesn't quite know what it means, he starts with a smile "So she's into a little everything?" he prompts. My mind is working through the tone of the newlyweds comment about his wife, not a happy tone...more of a solace tone, what ever is about to come out is bad. Poof, goes 'Happily Ever After'.
The man looks at his friend with a look that I can only describe as pain, it seems his cup was filled to the rim and this line of questioning was just too much, he pours everything out in what seems like one breath. "It's been so long, we don't have sex, when we do I can never finish or even come close, she doesn't enjoy it, she still thinks sex is evil, how am I suppose to change years of suppression?!? We haven't talked about it in a long time, now that I've brought it up we fight all the time, I love her, but I don't know if this will be fixable, marriages end over less. I've started noticing other woman, I can't taste my food, all I want is to love my wife and feel it in return from her."
Silence for a long moment, it's clear his friend has nothing tangible to offer and with a subject so vast, where do you start? Finally with a humbled look his friend ask the only question he can, "What are you going to do?".

"Stay the course."

Nothing more. My mind is racing with objections, thoughts, scenarios, everything, but I stay silent ::cause, how rude would that be!:: Where do you draw the line? Cut your losses. Every situation is different, but the key is knowing and being comfortable with yourself. Without knowing your own limits you can't make the right decision. This guy knew himself pretty well but not well enough, there was a great deal of denial playing in this choice also. Everyday we're faced with decisions to make, some make them, some avoid, some regret and everyday I'm thankful that I know myself well enough to know what's best for me. That's all you can really aim for knowing what is best for you, not worrying about what anyone else is doing, because like you they will all make their own decisions, there is nothing you can do about it. What people may see as selfishness, I know is confidence. I'm confident enough to live by that view 'All you can control, is yourself'.
So in the instance that the part of your life you are unhappy with is controlled by someone else, when do you know to stay to course or cut your losses of a lost conquest.

-n