Another year of watching the ponies run.  Hopefully this year they won't jump the fence free-willy style.  The weather here has been fickle to say the least, so I'm having second thoughts about a traditional big hat and thinking a smaller facinator might be the way to go.  This is one I tried on but perhaps the veil is a little much but is there really ever too much in the world of big dresses and even bigger hats??  Of course not! However I do see myself going with more of a brim, so for now the search continues.  Don't have much time, so send any ideas you may have my way!!

I know it's been a while lovelies but I'm getting back to it.

-n

Salt

 

 Feeling cool sheets on her skin she is reminded of how very alone she felt. A chill crawls down her spine as winter winds toss carelessly through the open window.  Christmas again, every year the same sad feelings and while there are moments that the overwhelmingly cheery disposition of those around her may sweep her up, the distraction last for just that, a moment.  Until she sinks back into the comforting darkness she has learned to appreciate, the same darkness that envelopes her with a sense of wanting. Taking from her every emotion she has to offer and replacing them with a coolness that touches her to the core. 

Leaving her empty. Taking away the weight that sits on her shoulders all day, the emptiness is a welcome change to the general discontentment that consumes her every thought.  Having no fight left the strong woman feels fragile, a stranger to herself the mirror gives no clue to what once was.  Twisted images enter her mind playing with her weakened state.  Proving all the fears she carried through the day are true, there is nothing left to the back of her mind, in the darkeness all doubts are brought to the forefront.  Tears break through, seeming to take the hurt with them. Exhausted from crying, the tears have dried up leaving nothing but trails of salt.  Taking everything that boiled over, everything that she could no longer hold, everything she no longer needed to hold.  Finally a full breath reaches her lungs, she flips her pillow to find the dry side and just like that a new day has started.

-n

Some Say

It's my dream and I'm going to see it through.  One day, soon.

I will never settle for a person that I don't think will be an amazing husband. My husband will be an amazing person that makes me want to better myself every day. He will be humble yet confident. Wholesome and fun. Understanding, forgiving, tolerant with strong values. He will be at one with himself, his life, past and future. He will have dreams, big ones, little ones, goals and drive.  He will be strong, he will always be my rock. He will hold me above others and understand we are the team. He will always catch my tears.  My husband will gain my trust, respect and be my other half. Stand with me always as a solid union.  My husband is my superman.  I've never been married.  I'm only going to do it once.  He has to be everything because to me this is it.

-n

Injustice

Walking in the summer heat I think of you. A cozy balminess laces my body as tears fill my soul. They haven't yet reached my eyes but they weigh on me as words can't describe. I fight the urge to collapse...here where I stand, I fight the urge to voice the injustice I feel.  It hurts, to deny myself.  It pains me to question the truths I believe.
Walking in the summer heat, tears tug at what's left of my self control. I miss you and want nothing more than to feel you in my arms. I hate you and wish you would disappear from my fondest memories.  I can't live with out you as I watch lovebirds coon together, my life will never be complete with you as you tear me in two beyond my control.
Walking in the summer heat, tears run down my cheeks, as I try in vain to hold myself. A pit fills my stomach and I wonder wholeheartedly, if there is a path for us.  Question whether this feeling that sends my heart to swell, is my imagination protecting me?  Is this real?  Why do I fight a feeling I dream of?  Or are dreams simply that.  The thoughts and reality you wish for, never to touch in the most perfect day.

Walking in the summer heat I cry.

-N