Introducing Layin' It Down

By none other than capital C

C has been quoted to say that I am a great writer, second to her only! So what better way to get to the bottom of this, than have her guest write here and there. So now introducing C in her own words to give you a little taste...a tease if you will.

Layin' It Down: Gone

I can still taste his scent,

Like it was just half past the hour.

The song of desire in my ear,

The caress of his eyes on mine,

Almost too much to take.

The painful pleasure of my heartache,

At a drummer's pace.

Seduction with barely a touch,

Drunk with less than a sip,

Trembling without cause,

He could write the tale.

Only darkness now,

Like before the very first day of first days.

Almost forgotten,

Just a vision of maybe.

A memory of something that never was,

A taste of that which was already gone.

-c

Photo of a little written word

Comfort vs Security

In a time when all the decisions are yours where do you turn?
Should you really be looking to turn in any other direction but yourself? This thought along induces a dismal thought of 'what the hell?' Why do I spend all this time giving everyone else advice, just so when I need some everyone tells me to come to the decision myself. Yes, I know everyone should make their own way in life, based off of their own choices. But maybe I just want someone to tell me what to do and have that not only be the right choice for me but the best choice in the situation. Asking for a little much? I suppose. What's the saying?...No question is a dumb question.
When faced with a choice and we're not talking about what latte to get, we're talking about life altering, shit hits the fan, crap storm, please get me outta here, I want to escape kinda decision. How do you deal?! I've gotten everything from making bullet point list, weighing the pros vs cons, ignoring until there is just not other choice, or not making it. The one that I got the most and was shocked but understanding about... Not making the choice. How many time have you heard the relationship went on two years too many? Never? Well I've heard it plenty and it's a strange thing, that is until you're living it. From what I hear it doesn't make the decision any easier, there is still a storm you have to get through and survive. Which still leaves me wondering how to deal? Personally I think it out very logically, perhaps too logically but that is the only way I know. Once I come to the decision I figure out the upside, no upside? Plan B: Ball up into the tightest ball, bury myself for as long as possible ::leave the chocolate at the end of the bed, thanks:: I never thought that I would be too logical for my own good, but if emotion is what is needed to understand both sides of the arguments, how can you trust your thoughts? Then again I feel that my need to do the best thing for everyone helps me see it for what it really is. Not so much as life altering, but more so just a pain in the ass. Decide to do it you break that security that you've built, living in a world with lack of security...welcome to the storm ::sans an umbrella..ella..ella:: Maybe it will go away? Stay in the place you know, in your comfort zone. But how long will that stay your comfort zone, when all the straws are lined up on the camels back, is comfort really waiting for that last straw? For that fight that hangs over head, anything could tip the perfectly balanced scale of love and hate.
On this subject I would take into consideration what I hold more in higher priority. Yes, I'm a creature of habit and enjoy comfort. Yes, I do value my security. More. If need be for the better of yourself, than that is the direction you should go. While we all have people we care about, people you don't want to hurt, people you don't want to leave. The decision must be 'for the better of self' no one and nothing else. Hard to say aloud, even harder to hear when you've shut yourself down. When the decisions are all but lost to you, blackout everything else and think about your number one priority in life. Yourself.

-n

Photo taken at Great Falls National Park

I hate <3 Day

A valentines puzzle, with a large group of Single friends and an equally large group of Non-single friends a question comes up, who is enjoying this Saturday Valentines more?

As I run around playing cupid today, my goal is to make sure no one I care about is forgotten. If it's a call, text, card, or Chocolate for a select few I want them to know on this highly commercialized 'holiday' that they are in my thoughts. Even if you have secured yourself a Valentine, I want you to know, you don't have to have a Valentine. My day starts with a text to all my best guys, sending well wishes and seeing what they have planned for the day. A few of them happen to be single so the nights plan, is a Birthday celebration in the city. Next, a couple of phone calls to the girls, well wishes, and checking up on more plans. I get a list of what has been gifted so far and what activities are to come, strangely also including possibly going into the city. Then I move on to hand delivering cards and sweets...The girls are very excited some because it's the only thing they will get today, other because they get to add to the pile of crap some guy or guys has already showered them with. As I make all these special visits, I end with my own collection of gifts received along the way.

If you were wondering I did have a Valentine. We had day time plans as I was requested to be able to make an appearance at a party in the city during the evening ::and yes I brought him along:: My day was nice, and relaxed but there was an underlying feeling of obligation. To make the day something special, and to have it be very memorable. When all I was looking for, really all I'm ever looking for is a little fun and laughter. If you really want the days details feel free to send an email, they don't have much of a place in this post. The day is broken up by a much needed nap, I love, love, love my bed. Nothing and I mean nothing makes me happier than getting to come home and bury myself under piles of downs and pillows.

Woken by an eta call, I am of course running late, throw on the first thing I find. Black cotton dress, black boots...not very valentines I notice as I pass the mirror, but who wants to be valentinesy?! Meeting up we start in Georgetown, a low key group we've all managed seats at the bar so there is lots of talking going on. The perfect time for me to start some research, I start with a new couple...they haven't banged yet, so I suppose they are no couple at all. Together none the less I ask a few questions, how was dinner? Did you have fun today? They both give me glowing reports of nothing special, saw a movie, got pizza, had a great day ::interesting:: Next a couple that has been going strong for I think the last glowing report was eight months, which I agree there's no point in keeping track, especially for them the end is near. From the girl I get a run down of the menu that he prepared for her all by himself, as I glance to him I get an eye roll...a little confused I find out he wanted sex right after dinner and before going out, she on the other hand would have no part in messing up her hair. Men, you have no chance of understanding us, just none. We move to another location, one a little more lively the girls want to dance and so they do. But luckily for me more alcohol is involved in a second location so I get all kinds of valentines feedback.
'He did a great job, but I really thought he would propose.'
A great job? Is that what this has become?
'I got a dozen yellow roses, he said he wanted it to be different...what the f does that mean?!'
Angry, so angry.
'She got me the coolest cuff links.'
Jewelry, also a guys best friend?
'All I want is a bj and I'm gonna get it'
Determination, that's what I like to see.

Before I slip into the perfect middle ground of vodka-sodas and well...everything else my thoughts come together. The best days in general whether a special day or just today, should be organic. To much expectation leads to disappointment. Let actions, thoughts, and emotions fall where they may and enjoy the ride. While I enjoy a chocolate coma as much as the next person, I will continue to secretly 'hate heart day'. I say secretly because I enjoy making people feel special, but other than that I could do with out a day that you're expected to eat all that chocolate out of a heart shaped box.

-n

Photo of a colorful Washington Sunset

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Gone are the days of woman sitting on a hill, hopefully pulling petals off of some poor flower.
These days we focus more on the art of bringing men to there knees without them even realizing it's happening. No, not because we like to be cruel ::maybe for some of us:: more because while there are no two woman alike, we're just a different breed these days. Why sit and wait for a man, for love, for any thing we want really. When I get asked for advice about relationships and love, I say just tell them what you want. Get over here, take off your clothes. I know a little too direct for some, but really you should give it a try, it's fun.
Romance. To all you guys out there who dart around the car to open the door, pull the chair out at dinner, stand when we stand, or go as far to offer us the last scoop of ice cream ::wait that never happens:: Hats off to you. Of course romance still has a place in every day, in every life, but has the face of romance changed? I know the things that stick with me about someone change all the time, a touch on the chin, a sultry look from across the room, and always confidence. I love confident men, I would go as far to say that I have a complete fetish for confident men ::but that's enough about me:: In giving my straight forward advice I often hear the comment, that's not very romantic.
What does romance look like today? When I asked the question I got answers from all over the place. Most noticeable, Porn and Pizza! There is nothing better than when my girl has a new porn playing and pizza waiting for me when I get home, that is when I know in my heart that I picked a girl who loves me and I will love forever. From that answer I gather, yes, romance has changed. The chances of your grandparents watching porn together over pizza, admit it...are slim to none. When they dated romance was, a pin on the shirt and sharing a milkshake. On that note, I still think still think sharing milkshakes is romantic, but realistically I don't want to share my milkshake, I want my own and my extra refill tin.
Real. I grew up raised to eat, sleep, and live fairy tales, knowing that someday my price charming would come along and swoop me off my feet to the very large castle that waited just beyond that perfect sunset. But today, I have a very realistic view of my present and future, what I have today, what I want tomorrow, what I can strive for later. Am I too logical for my emotions? When I look at the woman around me they are strong, independent, and taking over the world ::uh huh, I said it:: And as a result of that, these woman raise their brilliant little girls to be brilliant woman, never waiting for anything to be given to them, working hard for what they want, and believing in themselves. As we raise this newer breed of woman will romance still hold fast? Will these reality based, head strong, non-raised on Fairy Tale woman still have an image of romance that has to do with flowers and surprises? Or will it be based on accomplishments and work ethic?
All these thoughts swirling in my mind, ending with the same feeling. I never regret falling in love, I hold each of those people dear in my heart. Maybe not in the same way, but with notice that each of these people made me the lover I am today. Romance, to me is anything that will stay with you longer than the moment, anything you can bounce back to and smile about. That being said I believe that romance can be all of the things listed above from a secret caress to talent and even a flower.
While I started out to write about the different ways woman and men approach love today, I think I hit closer on the note of, Romance...where are you? I'm often quoted to say Do it to it, while it's a silly saying I feel humbled when I hear someone else say it, because it takes me back to the feeling of why I like to say it so much. You want that something, little or big? Than go get it...do it.

-n

Photo of Roses in Feb